(Source: retrojapan, via cuntlery)
(via ashtray-depths)
how do these complex relationships all boil down in my head? just that they all take work. that they all feel like they are just about to fall apart the moment before you get them right- and that sometimes it actually might take a lifetime to get any of them right. ill go through the course of why each of these relationships struck me (not that its particularly poignant other than it feels relatable to me in a very tangible way and i may have imbibed a boat drink too many in paradise as i write this).
Heaven or bust: walking out of the movie “a place beyond the pines” last week i was trying to wrap my head or heart around the whole idea. i mean, beyond my friend producing it or the Gos’ dazzling smile and way he inhabits these trashy characters that our basically mirror images of our crummy friends from way back when that our girls all hated in such a way that our girls all love him… the father son relationship is almost mythological- just too elusive- unicorns on the range, the moment immediately following a dream where it still feels real- always more perfect or tragic on film and in books. Sons are the reason that fathers return from stormy seas to safe harbors to see them - Sons are the reasons that fathers forge ahead beyond mortgages, doubles shifts, and heartbreak because there is legacy there- a pure heart, a second chance for everyone. For sons i guess being one it is more complicated. we didn’t have the wisdom of years on our side or the battle hardened insides to withstand the momentum of the world that way our dads did. but we had spirit on our side. we had that itch of pure love inside of us. i realize it took me 30 years to realize how much i meant to my dad all along- it took me becoming a dad to get it.
the difference between disbelief and the lack of belief: on brothers.. there is so much. this has been one of the hardest relationships for me to understand in my life- it is a constantly changing lack of change. it is always at odds with itself. like maybe we knew each other best when i was gorilla pressing him above my head like the ultimate warrior and brutus the barber beefcake of the (at the time) WWF- but they were only playing, acting at what we actually were brothers, together and at odds always- as separated by time and cities, that we forge as our adopted homes, as we are by the DNA we share, fingerprints that are just off of each other….
i recently thought of brothers when i found the photograph that we made the cover of SR&R, this felt more like brothers to me than almost anything i had seen since a picture of my brother and myself, i felt almost visceral in my reaction to it. it blew my mind when the notion of a burmese kid in an AC/DC shirt smoking eclipsed the idea of the hands grazing each other in the way only brothers would. and again i thought of brothers in the wake of the boston marathon bombing. i thought of the road we share as brothers, inevitably we affect each other- in some kind of almost magnetic way- we both attract each other and repel each other… and the same can be said for every decision we make. we are inextricably linked to each other forever but not destined to guide and follow the same way fathers and sons are- but in a similar way we are interlinked and can choose to follow the other down the rabbit hole. in years maybe we will excavate and begin to understand the brothers involved in the bombing of the boston marathon. because its hard this close to the tragedy to think of it in terms beyond a couple of two bit wannabes that committed an egregious act that forever changed the lives of so many people. truly anytime i find my mind wandering and begin to wonder whether the 19 year old was just following his older brother down a twisted path, the way brothers do sometimes, my mind clashes with itself and i think of the innocence of the little boy who was just waiting for his dad at the finish line when he was so tragically killed- so where there are brothers there almost always fathers and sons…
to begin again- the phoenix that is not just flames but the rebirth as well: and to be a fan… may 22, 2004: i step into an elevator with robert smith of the cure in washington dc, i cringe, i think- i cast myself deep in doubt… as we rise 8 floors in a hotel in a diplomat strip of washington dc- i try to think of something to say- something that will blow his mind- something that will make him think differently,of how much his band and his words and he means to me. i can understand the weight of when you say “you guys are my favorite band” simply because i have uttered the same- with the same shakiness and conviction…
(Source: nearlyvintage)
(Source: markhoppus)
(Source: joe-valentine, via suicideblonde)
(Source: fobfandom)
(Source: ohhowthemightyfall)
