Several unsightly wounds are scattered around my face and eyes (see fig. 2). Choose your own excuse to advance the story!!!

My face was badly bludgeoned because….

A) Latenight game of “face jousting” gone horribly right.

B) Called Perez a gay slur.

C) Called Will.I.Am “Perez.”

D) In a Nyquil-induced haze I confused my own reflection with my estranged brother, David Archuletta. Ran into mirror full-speed.

E) I was wasted. You should see the other guy.

F) Forgot to thaw turkey before deep-frying.

G) Realized my sex appeal was getting in the way of my art, like Brad Pitt and Matt Damon.

H) Watched “Fight Club” in like, super hi-def dude.

I) Bored.

J) Overzealous “Face Insurance” salesman just trying to make a point.

K) Realized Rollingstone said i was the r. patz of 2005. What year is it now? Im fucked.

L) Literally fought for a  Midtown reunion.

M) Fell for the old “face-wash/sulfuric acid switcheroo.”

N) Watched “The View” without protection.

O) Starring in community theatre retelling of “Edward Scissorhands.”

P) Emo “self” Mutilation.

Q) Bathroom door.

R) “Hiatus” is over or has officially begun. Head hurts to much to remember.

S) Read and believed all the comments on the internet. Followed the instructions.

T) Lease up on old face.

U) Keep meaning to cut Bronx’s nails.

you decide. thanks g.a.b.e., ry, and jd.


  1. beautifully-depressing-mmrs reblogged this from patrickstumphtho
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  4. patrickstumphtho reblogged this from ahomeboyslife
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  6. put-on-your-warr-paint reblogged this from folie-a-deuxme
  7. theodosiavalentine reblogged this from folie-a-deuxme
  8. folie-a-deuxme reblogged this from joshclun
  9. joshclun reblogged this from ahomeboyslife
  10. throwyourcameras reblogged this from ahomeboyslife and added:
    remember when
  11. lelabug55 reblogged this from ahomeboyslife
  12. itsjustfirealarms reblogged this from ahomeboyslife
  13. rebel-of-heart reblogged this from fuckyeahpetewentz and added:
    oh baby.
  14. petelkwentz reblogged this from fuckyeahpetewentz and added:
    This is so old but so funny fhkjhgjkshdj
  15. hahanicholexo reblogged this from folieabecca and added:
    i remember thissss. he now has a scar on his nose if you look closly. did he ever say what actually happened?
  16. burnalittlebrightertonight reblogged this from ahomeboyslife and added:
    Omg guys, remember this? I’m going through my favorites lol L, N, and S :)
  17. thelovelyking reblogged this from kettybedwetty and added:
    Haha, thanks :). Yeah, L is definitely the best.
  18. berryblog reblogged this from ahomeboyslife
  19. ahomeboyslife posted this